Great American Bash 2005 Review

More like Great American TRASH!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! (that "joke" is one of the best things about this show)

• Heidenreich and Road Warrior Animal defeated MNM (Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro) (w/Melina) to win the WWE Tag Team Championship (6:45)
o Heidenreich pinned Mercury after a Doomsday Device.
o *
Wow. What. a. classic.

• Booker T (w/Sharmell) defeated Christian (11:37)
o Booker pinned Christian after a Scissors Kick from the second rope.
o **1/4
2nd best MOTN! (no...seriously...)

• Orlando Jordan defeated Chris Benoit to retain the WWE United States Championship (14:23)
o Jordan pinned Benoit with a roll up after sending him face first into an exposed turnbuckle.
o *3/4
When 14 minutes with Benoit doesn't get you above ** and your not a hoss, you don't have much of a future.

• The Undertaker defeated Muhammad Hassan (w/Daivari) (8:04)
o Undertaker pinned Hassan after a Chokeslam to become the number 1 contender to the World Heavyweight Championship.
o After the match The Undertaker gave Hassan a Last Ride through the stage.
o ½*
Hassan in a #1 Contendership match? Now thats funny.

• The Mexicools (Super Crazy, Juventud, and Psicosis) defeated The bWo (Big Stevie Cool, The Blue Meanie, and Hollywood Nova) (4:53)
o Psicosis pinned Stevie after a Guillotine leg drop.
o *
Yeah OK then.

• Rey Mysterio defeated Eddie Guerrero (15:39)
o Mysterio pinned Guerrero with a Cradle.
o As a result of losing, Eddie could not tell Mysterio's secret (that Eddie was the biological father of Rey's son Dominick).
o ***1/2
MOTN.

• Melina defeated Torrie Wilson (w/Candice Michelle as Special Guest Referee)in a Bra and Panties Match (3:53)
o Melina stripped Torrie to win.
o After the match, Candice stripped Melina and then stripped herself.
o No Rating

• John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Orlando Jordan) defeated World Heavyweight Champion Batista by disqualification (19:47)
o Batista was disqualified for attacking JBL with a chair, Batista retained the title.
o After the match Batista delivered a Batista Bomb to both JBL and Jordan.
o *1/2
*shakes head*

~ Crap. And that's being nice.